Precarious situation...

December already ending and no year end speech, blog nothing, I really must be in some mental coma, and the situation must be quite precarious

So that’s the word of the day, that’s the blog for the day and that’s going to be quite something quite sometime soon. So here I go trying to make good on above mentioned stuff.

I have never skied (can u believe that’s the correct spelling as per word I was thinking something more funky like skiied) Anyways so like I was saying I have never skiied, but it must be quite a rush, slipping down a slope, with the only possible breaks being turn and make a diamond sort of, or at least that’s what I have read. The above situation is highly precarious, as a person I m completely aware that I have willfully put myself here. As a sane human being I fail to understand why I do so.

This is coming off as so not there mostly coz I have never skied. So quoting another example, one fine day I was strapped in my friends car, with it hanging precariously hanging (hanging is the keyword here if I have not been emphatic before)over a ditch, when I was certain I have messed up my knee beyond redemption. I am not making any of this up. Now the “friend” told me not to move as it might throw the balance off and I was in the side that was hanging over the ditch it did not sound cool.

So first I put on the seat belt, safety is always first. Next I started calling people, telling them how sorry I was and how bad I have been, retribution, redemption everything same time. And eventually when all done, I was smiling, I wanted to laugh my head out for my genius ness of getting into such situations but that would throw the whole precarious thing a little too far. It did end well, there was a fire brigade, ambulance and cop car. I was not air lifted but I did sign a consent form saying I m declining the ambulance and completely understand if I do enter pearly gates then it was my sole doing.

So any point to this post, actually none for once, so no speech, no spin, no nothing, just a good old life inspired thriller. I guess I just wanted to push the whole precarious thing to see how far I can take it without throwing off the balance. So long and will see you guys in 2009..

The big fat Hypocrite!

I think I will blog today mostly cause its been so long since I have written anything. Not that I don’t have a lot of stuff to write about but mostly cause I m scared I will write too much about stuff I don’t want to write.

So why have I not been writing, I was busy being sucked up in the romantic ways of Edward the vampire, but I do acknowledge I have gotten over his highschool charms. Ohh and the whole holiday season here in US. It reminds me of a simpler time when I did put a sock out in our balcony. Looking back it was neither new nor quite pretty. I ended up loosing it anyways. Who knew who puts actual gifts in them and stuff. I have had a bad history with gifts but that shall be another post on another day. Right now there is a need to vent and vent I shall.

So I started looking up the word hypocrisy and found that original meaning is given as a deficiency in the ability to sift or decide. Therefore basically not sure which side you belong to, the dark sith or the force. It also means a complete contradiction of beliefs and statements fabricated at the spur of moment to support any claim.

I believe all of us are a little bit of hypocrites, whenever it comes to family, personal goals, professional ethics, social codes and moral dilemmas. We rarely like taking sides, the middle ground is always preferable however unbalanced it might be. But we hate to see people around us in the middle, taking the safer route agreeing with the despicable gray rather than choosing a side, more so making us acknowledge the fact that I came here too for the fear of being left alone on a side.

I believe humpty dumpty was a hypocrite too so no wonder he sat on a wall. Finally he had a great fall and nothing could put him back together again. I suppose that’s what happens to big fat hypocrites, they eventually fall from grace and start looking for carpool options. Therefore sincerity and honesty lies in being plain evil or good, hypocrisy or middle ground is simply unacceptable. But then again “Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins.”

Elevatorz..

Having been at blogspot for this long I have transcended into the know it all, rare, reserved, sporadic writer, yep thats wat I am making up for not writing. So for the lack of anything exciting to write about, I am going to write about elevators. I am laughing just thinking about it. Have I ever mentioned before my thoughts are a single coherent streamlined flow of genius during a spell of boredom. Now that I have praised myself lets start with the elevation.

So this started with the game elevators at which I currently am a bottom dweller. And then all these random thoughts started barging in, Adnan sami’s thodi si to lift dila de, to my brothers childhood dream of becoming a liftman (oopsie did I just reveal something), in his defense that is the closest thing he knew to a rocket scientist at his age so I salute his ambition, not to mention the liftman in our building was a nice guy.

The green person in me along with the supposedly health freak (yea somewhere deep deep inside) always hates using elevators, on the other hand I think escalators are even more wasteful energy wise.. But you are not reading all this for that very blah elevator personal social financial ialisms. So I will get to my regular metapsychospiritual spin on things. Ok I gotto choose first where to go with this, the whole lifes ups and downs-nah done to death, but theres always life beyond the grave, so I will stick with it.

Elevators basically are the fastest, least effort ways to get to destination and who does not like short cuts, not that it’s a bad thing necessarily. Each one of us buying lottery tickets, gambling in vegas, submitting super spammer surveys always hope they strike it rich. But besides that very literal meaning there are many other elevators, mood lifters, the indulgent death by choc varieties, the ambiens of sleepless night, the super cheery understanding always happens for the best spouting friends, all of us have our own…

And then there are the free falling types, when the carefully built house of cards collapses right in front of our eyes. The no fault of yours train journey, the wrong time when they went shopping, the solid real old company we invested in, yep we got on them not knowing the elevator was heading down at a sickening speed. The only consolation is it shall stop even if it crashes, after all its not a space ride with no end in sight…

And so I yelled stupid female driver..

Since I bought an Audi life has become oh so difficult, gone are the days when I would walk, sit in bus and listen to my ipod, thinking about that I don’t even know where it is now :( I would look at the stars, handsome guy in Lamborghini (yea I live in a posh neighborhood) and walk to gym.

Now life is all about my baby (my Audi), feed it the highest darn octane nothing less would ever do, clean it and take care of it. I drive in the less traveled lanes, go early to find good parking spots or walk farther for the same, give nasty looks to any super fast cars nearby and yep yell at stupid female drivers, ah the horror. In fact instead of gazing at handsome dudes in adjacent cars, I have started classifying drivers and their expected behaviors, I call this preemptive driving.

I am sure each driver has their own list, so here goes my politically most incorrect impolite bog till date, dear Audi protect me and run away with me when people come to persecute us for this..

Stupid female driver, ok I get the irony the anti everything but I have got to get this out of my system. She will stand right in the middle of road while turning right, she will be right out of parking lots into the road, she will never heed to ur blinker and never ever give u way, don’t know abt giving any dudes way, but a gal no way she says.

The race car driver, yea the pretend race car driver comes here also, he will whiz by (btw it will be all he’s from here onwards) you no matter if the light just turned red ohh he will brake hard, he will jump right in front of you with complete disregard, he is nasty and its best not to drive anywhere close to him if possible.

The SUV bulldozer guy, this guy again has no fear while changing lanes, u shall look for ur own life he says, he will tailgate u even at 90 he never follows but is always followed by mere sedans.

The older slower kinds, yes they love to drive in the middle lane even if the road had just two lanes. Like to drive near dividers, u know along the innermost left kind of lanes always 5 miles below the posted speed limits.

The jumper, oh yea they will jump u these restless souls need to jump to stay conscious. He will maneuver from right lanes from left lanes, before the truck beside the truck all NFS like he will make u feel all dull dull kind sticking to lanes is for suckers.

The always correct driver, he will stick to lanes, follow speed limits, brake when he sees orange light, in all will irritate the hell out of you.

There are many many more, the motorcycle guy, the daredevil cycle guy, carefree pedestrians and on and on and on. Don’t tell me its almost time for me to drive back home..

Total Recall

Well the last couple months have been blissfully busy, in a real good way. But now I am back to my pondering ways, sipping bitter.. bitter coffee and ponderrrrrrrrrr So I was thinking this ought to be some fantastic post, I wanted to write about tress and roots and stability and then got bored.

Meanwhile I chanced upon this book flatland through one surprisingly informative reader. I wont blabber about the book coz I have just read the preface and first few pages, but I will talk about the concept and couple of things that have always fascinated me.

So flatland was written in 1880 quite a book for its time, period, oppressive society and yet a refreshingly cool concept. It’s the story about a square who got dazzled when he met a cube. Now I have similar thoughts and have always had. Ever since studying about three dimensions in space, what always fascinated me was the fourth dimension, time.

The thought of their being multiple existences’, scenarios, realities is right out of a blockbuster film. The whole point of reference concept couldn’t we be equally naïve thinking time is flat one way street when it actually might be circular, elliptical or maybe even wicked. I admit I m a science fiction junkie, I read time machine when I was a kid and restaurant at the end of universe when I still behaved like a kid. I did not like planet of apes, original or rehashed.

So if time travel did exist how would it work. One thing is for certain it would require some massive amount of energy coz any change in past would have to result in substantial changes in future. How would our brains work with all the change, is memory retained or overwritten, how about complete existence, can there be only one of us at a time or multiple instances and I have tones of other questions.

Until anyone does make that leap, through a portal or shimmery stuff, or wishing well, I will just have to keep this ginormous questionnaire in my head from imploding.

Logic looming letting go..

Okay so I wanted to act smart and play on the L word up there, go ahead fire me.. To be a lot more lucent this post is about letting go, its directed towards a certain somebody who knows who it/he/she is provided that who is reading it. I promise it wont be as convoluted as this beginning, talking about convoluted my newest word of day is circumvent, I have been actively using it in lots of conversations. More on that later, oh yes and my aura is yellow btw, but I guess that rounds up my personality info for the month.

So back to letting go, and if I have talked about this earlier then pardon me, or blame it on aging gray cells. The only thing I learned in swimming after a lot of paid lessons was to float. And the basic premise of floating mostly is to let go. There are tones of examples with quick sand and what not. Gist being there are many times in life when it is essential to let go. The more you struggle; you either end up in the deep end or getting yourself in more muck than you started with.

As creatures of habit, we have a tendency to cling on to the usual, to the everyday, to our routines, to things and very rarely to people. Talk about one clingy breed, but talking about clingy I m definitely writing once on trees but more on that later. Its mostly for the sense of security it provides. There cannot be bigger mirage than sense of security, it’s never there but we are always seeking it.

There are some basic principles in life, like live, eat, breathe, some personal principles, sleep 8 hrs, be helpful, try not to stab people, but besides all that everything is variable and it should be. The moment we try to create constants in our environment either there is chaos, or stagnant environs ruts. So spring cleaning is essential, make that all year round, tossing out all that was most essential before but just does not work now, is not giving up, it just means you are letting go so that you can float again…..

Affirmative Action

I am all about thoughts, feelings, metaphysical, paranormal, extra terrestrial, sarcasm laden posts. So here are my baby steps to some political rambling. I am msnbc reader who chances upon news channel mostly in gym, coz those are the only channels which seem like fun reading with the captions, plus that white hair guy looks good.

So I was reading about how Chinese have been classified as black. Yea that’s what caught my ADD attention also. So the funda is that in South Africa, amongst the group of people who suffered apartheid, they have included blacks, Indians and now Chinese also.
So Chinese people will be eligible for any benefits under affirmative action programs by the government. We all know how that works, you know being from India having that arjun singh guy brainstorming.

So basically to bring up oppressed members of society, or provide them equal opportunity, reservations, promotions and so on so forth are provided. Affirmative actions. My question is when India got independence, was not everybody oppressed for about a century. And at the current rate do the general junta become oppressed and will they be granted any reprieve in the coming years.

I mean it’s a never ending debate, and me being a coward I decided to walk away and hole in another country altogether. This is one of the prime reasons I avoid reading any news from India or any news period, I am happy in my soundproof well, so even if this titanic with it affirmative action upper deck goes down, at least I had a good ride. That’s it for my really terse political post, will be back with some new stuff very soon..

There is some vagueness in the air

I just realized I have never dedicated any blog to the essence of this blogspot. So here is an unabashed admiration towards the vagueness and randomness in life. Life is really vague, especially once on your own. Following directions and reaching a destination is a no-brainer. It’s choosing your own path, stumbling along the way and reaching somewhere which might or might not be it, can be serendipitous or an accident.

This is where the vagueness in life comes in picture. Only in animations or soaps or make believe world are things so clear. Like as soon as there will be a dead-end, there will be another way out. Somehow in the end everything works out. This is where real life is really vague, there are no absolute clues or paths or clarity of thought to find the same. It’s all a matter of trial and error and if lucky then some luck.

But that’s where this vagueness is beautiful, cause even with errors you can stumble into chambers which otherwise would never be known. Magnificent or not each path has its own merits. But this vagueness can be quite frustrating. I yearn for days when there will be flashing idea lights and pointers to the right way (I m thinking about buying TomTom for the pointer thingie, getting lost has lost its novelty), or maybe then again I m not looking at the right places.

I wanted this vague blog to be spectacular, magnificent, in depth, comprehensive, but then again it just turned out to be vague some things just need to grow into their character.

Memorable Loop

It has been quite some time into May, time for some thought provoking blogging. So the other day I read this article about a woman, actually there is a book out on it also, about how she has this perfect memory, she can remember every day since she was 8. Quite spectacular, but this memory is just limited to events that happened in her life, she was an above average student.

This whole memory thing brought back a couple of things. One of the things that she has mentioned was how this whole memory deal is huge downer when you remember each and every wrong anyone has ever done to you. The other thing she mentioned was how she constantly corrected her parents whenever they referenced to you had done this or that.

I had this talk once where I mentioned how I m such a cool, laidback person (I know modesty) in return I was asked if I ever forget stuff, which unfortunately I don’t coz my memory is picture perfect too, so then this friend said that you are not so cool and you don’t let things go.

Which brought up another question, does letting things go means forgetting whenever you think you have been wronged? I do understand the whole concept of forgiveness to move ahead in your life. But is forgiveness enough to get over things, especially when you can pull up wrongdoings in high definition without any effort?

Blessedly my memory is not that sharp, except for those exceptionally embarrassing moments which everyone treasures in their life. I m very content with my present state of forgetting names, occasions and above all any horror stories. Working very hard here to achieve my ultimate cool status. As for the memory woman, what would be awesome is if she could remember all these details in her next life, but that shall be another post…

Bad Karma et al

Not been blogging since some time due to some issues, which I m going to go in depth explore, dissect and discuss.. no that’s on my personal blog, this is still the impersonal one.

So anyways being the Aquarian I am, I have strong beliefs and disbeliefs in the extraordinary and generally beliefs go along with most of the weirdness out there. And then there was karma. Life always seems a little more fair when the concept of Karma is attached to all actions and deliberate inactions.

I am just going to go ahead and throw some stuff I have heard, admired, stuff that made some sense to me, so read on and don’t look for coherent thoughts (u shd know better by now). My mom always said, you create your own heaven and hell on earth. One of our pundits preached one day, we spend more time wishing bad for people rather than praying for some good for us. Its always I wish I get paid more than him/her rather than I get paid more period. Success is always measured in comparison; check out any Forbes list, or any list period.

There are tones of saying like what goes around comes around, u reap what u sow, everything happens for a reason and so on. I have seriously started questioning the logic behind these thoughts. Is it really true? Who is keeping score, besides the supposedly wronged party? Is it just some kind of quick fix to reassure us about the happy endings and general goodness in the grand scheme of things?

In the end I really don’t know if any of this bad karma, good karma means anything. Yes I do feel some high when I completely go out of the way to help someone and I do feel uncomfortable when I use that very apparent loophole. Besides that these thoughts do give a feeling of some overall justice, thereby reaffirming faith in another one of those phrases in the end everything comes together. Until then all we can do is invest some faith in our good karma and hope that everything does come together in the end..

Cable TV’s another world, rescue me..

I m still quite confused and don’t really know if I want to blog, and I hate admitting but work has the upper hand nowadays. So I watched californication yesterday, the show is more on the obvious word in there, mixed with drugs, writers block, hell-A theme. I have been watching basic channels forever and cable feels like the parental lock is finally gone. It’s a whole new world, not one I particularly like though. I mean sure every show is smart, funny in dark way, keeps you on your toes, but my question is when did TV become work.

Seriously all these super intelligent shows zap my energy all the time. My ego never lets me not get them and understanding and following them is work, which is not even satisfying all the time. I mean look at my blog heading, nothing smart funny there, my energy and wit has all been drained by the cable tv’s idiotic shows being intelligent.

Apart from the obvious IQ factor, these shows have absolutely no moral codes. Either its all about vanity a la nip tuck, root for a serial murderer sociopath dexter and now try to find hidden meaning with jingoistic hank doing anyone in sight on californication. Gone are the days of laughing at friends that seems like a kiddie show now.

I have decided to take a break from all this madness and meditate, actually I plan to go back to my original love, reading, started Life of Pi. Literature never seemed so clean, calming and without any hidden or in your face u know what innuendos..

Morbid Curiosity

I m seriously considering going to a shrink, for one thing it sounds kinda fancy, secondly all bigshots have shrinks, plus I wanna see the purported “couch” and I m developing some serious doubts about thyself.

Ok first of all (this first, second thing I m doing it a lot, reminds me of lettermen, lettermen weird name huh wonder if he got it in kindergarten, but then it should be letterboy, man do u see how my brain wanders). So no first, seconds, what I was saying in that previous haze was that I was never a weirdo as a kid, in-fact I m very squeamish almost hypochondriac kind of person (talk abt impersonal blogs). Never into dissecting animals, collecting bugs, ok I have killed lots of insects on the way but that was just for survival.

So what has started bothering me lately is my weird fascination with really morbid shows and movies. Again I m not a saw, hostel gore violence fan, but then again I did like Sweeney Todd. Have read some Stephen King, saw in the mouth of madness, the other day. Then I stumbled on dexter, I tried watching rome, and the tudors but I m not just a history person and I cannot care less for politics. Now Dexter is not very gripping, not all the time, but its smart really dark funny show and as I mentioned in the heading, I have this morbid curiosity. The whole dexter titles is provocative, the way they show person having breakfast is more like a controlled massacre, kinda like how it was in American psycho, seemed like blood drops but was actually fancy food.

How dexter keeps thinking in his head about how “normal” people behave. There is this part when they show people cracking open lobsters with hammers, and he thinks normal people are very violent. But then again, this show has received a lot of critical acclaim, so I just think I m into watching high quality shows and if you have not watched it yet maybe you should check it out.. As for the shrink part, I saw in treatment (on podcast while working out, I do get out of the house too) if its even remotely similar I guess I m bored of therapy already..

Underdog Glory

I m sick today, as in suffering from the onset of cold, yea funny stuff.. I wanted to conclude my swimming post, with the embarrassing incident that happened, and no it’s not what you think. So I will keep it short and try to be sweet.

First things first, my new name is U2, I know the Bono guy had a crack at it first but my logic makes more sense, as always. So U2 stands for Ultimate Underdog, and that’s me of course. So playing poker few nights ago, I successfully won back my money. Money the ultimate motivator, okay I take it back there are many idealistic kinds out there who are actually closet money whatever.. (told u I m sick, cant stress my brain too much)

So anyways, I m the ultimate underdog person, I always root for them. I guess most of us do, but I root for underdogs in the most trying circumstance’s for instance when I do like the overdog. Call it some wiring defect or whatever but underdog it is, although I did not see the underdog movie but anyways.

Underdog winning is always a triumph. Triumph over all odds. For instance I quote Lord of the rings here, the whole movie theme is underdog winning, be it diminutive Frodo going to that really scary mountain/volcano thing, or the sidekick Sam finally getting respect and glory or the final battle against all odds, just makes the whole win so much more sweeter. It is always reaffirming faith in self, beyond all odds, in the most ridiculous circumstances, with very few means, the impossible might actually be achievable. So to all underdogs out there, and by that I mean everybody, cause either there are underdogs, or closeted underdogs “To achieve the impossible dream, try going to sleep.”

Float Away, Part un

There are many firsts in life, but scarier than those are on your own firsts. For instance right from taking the first step with support but finally stepping out on your own, driving with an instructor and then driving on the freeway on your own. I am planning to attempt a swimming on your own pretty soon. And this post is a mental psyching of sorts.

I try to keep this blog impersonal with mostly my thoughts on the page. The main reason being I want my autobiography to be completely unheard of, sudden bestseller. Anyways back to my floating topic which I will make it exceptionally personal.

So after years of daydreams about perfect strokes, straight clean lines I decided to take the plunge literally. It turned out to be more dog paddling rather than those elegant moves, more swosh than swish, u get my drift. But the funnest part was when the instructor said, kick the kick board and go for it after just one lesson of getting to know the water.

I stood there amazed, feeling like the biggest slacker and looser in the class when everybody in sight dived for it. In hindsight many of these supposed “beginners” had learned swimming once upon a time which I in my moment of despair and self doubt had no bearing off. So as I stood there seeing people reach that not so far off but finish line, I had to do something before they were back. I mean I was paying for this supposed class of lets make a blind dive. So I pushed against the wall and made that beautiful leap, wham quite some distance from the starting post, but then the question was now what.

With my kickboard practices my legs had become accustomed to kicking around, but moving hands too at the same time in a rhythm. Now I wont gloat but I can dance, do those weird lingo specific step and kickbox classes too, but here I was completely out of any kind of coordination. To top it all, my brain had perfectly timed to breathe when head under water, and yes I don’t have fins yet. As a result after my beautiful leap I was groping around to stand in the middle coughing and spurting water out. Did I mention all this while my eyes were closed shut too (I got my goggles the next day).

Anyways looking back this post is becoming real long, and I m completely drowned as of now, so shall post the exciting finish to my personal float blog soon, until then swim away, this post cannot be any more clichéd..

The famous escapist complacency conundrum

Okay so it might not be famous, I made that up, actually I made that whole phrase up(mine mine mine, ok getting a lil paranoid here, moving on). So on one of these afternoons I was having this talk, chat actually, with a kindred soul, this is besides the lostie gushing we do, about complacency and escapism.

Complacency is a tricky tricky thing. At one side there is this whole theory about how in life once you are satisfied, you attain that elusive peaceful state of mind where you finally rise above all the small electric, gas, cable bill issues. So basically once satisfied, you are complacent in you present state of affairs.

Now here lies the hitch in this theory, what if this satisfaction is a result of pure laziness, the whole sour grape theorem or worse a byproduct of escapism. All of us have this little escapist within us, mine is a little big one I guess. You know watching Matrix and wondering what if, watching matrix revolution and wondering what the hell is this, reading Harry Potter and yearning for all that magic especially the one that mends anything or the one that cleans up any mess, how about chopping cleaning veggies and cooking pots and pans or storing away my memories for a visit later some day, yea my escapist is just raring to fly away.

With escapism comes a sense of complacency, cause when you are living it up for even few minutes the drudging waiting hours pass away just in anticipation. But isn’t the escapist actually the dreamer within and if the dreamer can be put to some actual work then the results can be quite amazing.

Complacency is not a bad thing after all it gives sound sleep every night. But then again there are miles to go before I sleep..

As Decent as it gets..

So here I am sitting after my almost decent late afternoon cup of tea. It’s your standard bigelow office type variety. Getting more personal, it’s the cinnamon kind. I love cinnamon, saying cinnamon too has a certain twang or twirl to it. So while I was making do with my tea, I started thinking there are many things in life we make do with.

I mean of course the aggressive, idealistic, black and white people will go all red in the face telling me nobody has forced anybody to make do with stuff in life. I completely agree, but unfortunately world is not black and white, its green, blue sometimes very red, colorful actually. Point being, everyone has choice, sometimes means too, to make that leap, but every choice and leap is correlated with multiple implications and related choices. It kind of like a matrix or I would say more like a house thing you make with a deck of cards. To preserve the balance, each card has to be carefully placed or removed, unless you want to make a clean start.

Anyways my blog was not about all this, digressing as always. What I wanted to get to was , how does one decide what things are okay to make do with, and until what point you make do without just actually being plain lazy and disinterested. For example my tea, in office, I don’t have a choice hence the dip dip strategy but when I have means and its not complicated and its totally worth it but I still resort to tea bags at home that’s when make do is being grossly misused.

In the end life is all about choices, compromises and for the courageous kind’s clean start every single time. So you make do in life for things that don’t really make a difference and then you go and buy an audi, just to stir things up a little.

Obnoxity..

Yea I know that’s not even a word, MS word suggested oboist instead, someone who plays oboe, turns out these things are not as intelligent as they pretend to be. So back to my pet word for the day Obnoxity, I am deriving it from obnoxious kind of like a measure, u know toxic and toxicity something like that..

There are times in life when, more you are pushed by situation the more obnoxiously stubborn u become. Mine comes whenever I m pushed to do some work I should have completed already, obnoxity I know.. I don’t know how many people suffer from this syndrome or condition but I certainly do and would love to know any kindred spirits.

So this condition that I have is, there are times in life when I know this is what I am supposed to do or this is the correct answer or this is the correct behavior or this is what is expected of me but my head has already made a choice, the answer that appeals to me even though I know how incorrect it is. I did this once during some multiple choice questions; I knew this is supposed to be the correct answer but my whole being, mind, brain spirit in its rebellious obnoxity refused to accept it.

Let me give an example, a puzzle I did the other day, pick odd one out, 1 3 5 7 11. Now 11 jumps out cause it’s the only 2 digit number in the series but how about 1 all the other numbers are prime and well 1 is the unique one neither composite nor prime. So there you go my obnoxity wants to dismiss the question altogether. Then there are times in life when you have a choice speak now or forever keep your silence. Person with obnoxity will not only speak up but have a lot addendums and make sure message is loud, clear and finally blatant.

So where do I end now, do I condition myself and wean off my obnoxity like some toxicity or embrace it as the renaissance gene I have and should nurture for evolution, at the very least a revolution, to happen. I have decided to embrace it already, obnoxity yea I know..

Under Weather

It started raining yet again,

Sun was shining bright and brilliant,
All through last week
But then it became windy
And it started raining

Overcast misty foggy and dark
Distorted visibility in my path
Slightly chilly with the wind blowing through
Pulling onto lapels when a shiver ran through

Feeling drowsy, trying to form a coherent thought
All I want to do is watch that tree dance
Swinging back and forth, that green leafy tree
Enjoying the dew drops, the mist and the breeze

Maybe it will be sunny tomorrow, maybe not
It will be a new day and different it shall be
Or then again
It might start raining yet again..

To trust or not to...

disclaimer: This blog is purely for academic ramblings, any resemblance to current events, living or dead people is purely co-incidental.

I thought I will write a blog today, I m in a very bloggable mood and it started pretty well smthg very nice and upbeat but then it just died on me and I started thinking something else altogether, talk abt loads of work and no interest to do any but to sit, think and ponder, love the word ponder like the ring to it ponderrrrrrrrr.

Anyways so wat I started thinking abt was trust. And the more I thought the more I realised trust is all about optimism. Optimistic ppl trust the weather will be good, all issues will get resolved, people generally have a good disposition and so on. Trust happens from childhood, you trust your parents that they will take care of you, feed you, bend to your tantrums and provide a nuturing protected environment.

Over period of time, trust develops between siblings, friends, co workers, partners and how about nature too. You get a plant, take care of it and trust or rather maybe hope it will thrive. Every time when you trust someone, there is the implied assumption that this person has your best interest at heart. How many times is it true, how much of it is selfless, how can you not know that maybe they want to live vicariously through you, or are trying to subtly change you, mold you into something you never were or are or will never be happy to know you have become, and what happens when you can see through it.

Does the seeing through process change the whole equation completely, now implicit trust transforms into explicit distrust, questioning each and every motive. And what happens if you want to win it back again, is it like some tree which can maybe flourish again or like a clay pot ruined for life. But life full of distrust must be sad and lonely and schizophrenic, at the same time fool me twice shame on me..

You live and learn, at any rate you live..

February second week already, talk about time flying. I started thinking about quality of life. I have lived a good number of years already and have formed quite a few opinions, viewed life from different colored goggles, stood at crossroads at different points of time and many times just slept through, hoping to wake up when ice age would have begun or gotten over..

So that got me thinking, what would define a qualititative life. How and when would I know I have lived enough and fruitfully. What will define this enough, the final peak, that final frontier. Lately I have asked many people this question. How do Everest climbers know this is the peak? What I have seen of mountains is that, they are always in a range, how would anybody know this is the peak and not that other point farther away.

Similarly how would I know in my life I have achieved my peak spiritually, personally, professionally? Like mountains keep growing, life keeps moving the more we explore, the more there is to do. There is no limit physically, mentally or emotionally, you can always push yourself further, do masters, do phd, do post doc then do more research. How and when would I know I have seen enough, lived enough, lead a high quality life.

I really don’t know, I suppose I need some more living and exploring to answer this question. This much lifetime has still not gotten me there yet. Ending with quote from Douglas Adams after a long time” He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”

Resonant music for soul

Back by popular demand, can you believe that I still can’t, but yea 2-3 people bugged me quite some to update my ramblings and who is not flattered by that.

So this is my Birthday week (Thank you! If you wanna send gifts email me, I will send my address) and I have been quite upbeat lately. Couple of reasons for that, have been sleeping really well (touchwood), listening to a lot of music. Music is definitely a mood lifter. So that made me think about music.. Music to ears..

Music to me might be noise to others, then again sometimes there’s no accounting for taste. That made me think about religion actually prayer or praying, when we pray we essentially are pleasing or at least trying to attain pleasant experience for all our senses, bright light for vision, incense for fragrant smell and finally bells and singing for music to ears, not to forget prasad to finally appease taste buds. So praying is nothing but heightening of all senses to achieve that state of living completely.

But I wanted to talk about sounds in particular, either be praying in a group or be in rock concert, its finally about achieving that harmonious unison. In high school I used to have experiments with some water tube and strung wires, with a tong we would find the highest and lowest resonant frequency, (I might be way off base here so pardon my ignorance), so I am sure as humans we must have our own highs and lows, and cause we are the same species it might be in some similar range.

So here I quote an example from wiki about finding that perfect frequency in a playground swing. When pushing someone in a swing, pushes that are timed with the correct interval between them (the resonance frequency), will make the swing go higher and higher (maximum amplitude), while attempting to push the swing at a faster or slower tempo will result in much smaller arcs. If only we could find our resonant frequency and achieve that perfect state. How will it be like, maybe we will finally discover what our physical, mental and emotional bodies are actually capable of and much much more..

Transcend body, mind and time

So here I am sitting after my grueling absolutely cruel yesterday evenings workout. I went ahead and pushed myself beyond space time compendium (I know it does not make sense but I always wanted to use that phrase) and it does kind of make sense..

Well anyways so I wanted to talk about spirituality and how our bodies are just like vessels. I so want to leave this vessel for some healing and elevate to some higher pleasanter plane maybe Hawaiian kind of not that I am complaining about SoCal weather.
Digressing again! On that note I read something about how you can detect if you are ADHD but I got pretty bored so did not bother reading the whole thing, I suppose the test works, but back to spirituality.

Talking about spirituality the best asana in yoga is shavasan not only because you get to lie down after the whole gymnastic but also cause its an asana at the same time which everyone can perform.. This is so not going anywhere..

Starting afresh, I think I will do that in my next post. So appreciate your patience with my digressional ramblings who said you needed a drink for that, you just need an audience.. So like the black screen at the Soprano’s finale but in my defense I was not building up any monumental suspense for the past 8 seasons. Will just leave at that..

And the New Year begins…

Every year I start with one thought only, this has got to be the year, that one awesomely fantastic year when everything shall happen. When eons past, I will look back and say yes this was that year that changed the course of my life. Sadly I caught flue on 31st night. Seems like last year did not wanna see me go all dry eyed (I am noticing my very marvinish tendencies but I solemnly swear to turn into Zaphod this year).

So to assure myself about this marvelous year I went ahead and read my horoscope on all possible websites. And yea I realized all of them have some hidden agenda against me, I mean I know in my gut this is the year so no amount of how rat(according to the Chinese calendar) this year they claim will be I am going to march forward.

Now that I have almost battled the flue off with just some Tylenol PM (which I would gladly take otherwise too), almost cleaned up my room (as per my New Year resolution), almost contacted all my long lost friends (another resolution) and even cooked finally (broke my New Year resolution of not cooking this year), I have a good feeling about this year.

To top it all I even reclaimed my pen (long story) and my to do list is prosperous again. It has stopped raining in SoCal and the mighty bright sun is shining again. 2008 is going fantastic so far and yea I am still having a good feeling about it(notice how each paragraph ends with optimism, awesome year yay!!!).