Obnoxity..

Yea I know that’s not even a word, MS word suggested oboist instead, someone who plays oboe, turns out these things are not as intelligent as they pretend to be. So back to my pet word for the day Obnoxity, I am deriving it from obnoxious kind of like a measure, u know toxic and toxicity something like that..

There are times in life when, more you are pushed by situation the more obnoxiously stubborn u become. Mine comes whenever I m pushed to do some work I should have completed already, obnoxity I know.. I don’t know how many people suffer from this syndrome or condition but I certainly do and would love to know any kindred spirits.

So this condition that I have is, there are times in life when I know this is what I am supposed to do or this is the correct answer or this is the correct behavior or this is what is expected of me but my head has already made a choice, the answer that appeals to me even though I know how incorrect it is. I did this once during some multiple choice questions; I knew this is supposed to be the correct answer but my whole being, mind, brain spirit in its rebellious obnoxity refused to accept it.

Let me give an example, a puzzle I did the other day, pick odd one out, 1 3 5 7 11. Now 11 jumps out cause it’s the only 2 digit number in the series but how about 1 all the other numbers are prime and well 1 is the unique one neither composite nor prime. So there you go my obnoxity wants to dismiss the question altogether. Then there are times in life when you have a choice speak now or forever keep your silence. Person with obnoxity will not only speak up but have a lot addendums and make sure message is loud, clear and finally blatant.

So where do I end now, do I condition myself and wean off my obnoxity like some toxicity or embrace it as the renaissance gene I have and should nurture for evolution, at the very least a revolution, to happen. I have decided to embrace it already, obnoxity yea I know..

Under Weather

It started raining yet again,

Sun was shining bright and brilliant,
All through last week
But then it became windy
And it started raining

Overcast misty foggy and dark
Distorted visibility in my path
Slightly chilly with the wind blowing through
Pulling onto lapels when a shiver ran through

Feeling drowsy, trying to form a coherent thought
All I want to do is watch that tree dance
Swinging back and forth, that green leafy tree
Enjoying the dew drops, the mist and the breeze

Maybe it will be sunny tomorrow, maybe not
It will be a new day and different it shall be
Or then again
It might start raining yet again..

To trust or not to...

disclaimer: This blog is purely for academic ramblings, any resemblance to current events, living or dead people is purely co-incidental.

I thought I will write a blog today, I m in a very bloggable mood and it started pretty well smthg very nice and upbeat but then it just died on me and I started thinking something else altogether, talk abt loads of work and no interest to do any but to sit, think and ponder, love the word ponder like the ring to it ponderrrrrrrrr.

Anyways so wat I started thinking abt was trust. And the more I thought the more I realised trust is all about optimism. Optimistic ppl trust the weather will be good, all issues will get resolved, people generally have a good disposition and so on. Trust happens from childhood, you trust your parents that they will take care of you, feed you, bend to your tantrums and provide a nuturing protected environment.

Over period of time, trust develops between siblings, friends, co workers, partners and how about nature too. You get a plant, take care of it and trust or rather maybe hope it will thrive. Every time when you trust someone, there is the implied assumption that this person has your best interest at heart. How many times is it true, how much of it is selfless, how can you not know that maybe they want to live vicariously through you, or are trying to subtly change you, mold you into something you never were or are or will never be happy to know you have become, and what happens when you can see through it.

Does the seeing through process change the whole equation completely, now implicit trust transforms into explicit distrust, questioning each and every motive. And what happens if you want to win it back again, is it like some tree which can maybe flourish again or like a clay pot ruined for life. But life full of distrust must be sad and lonely and schizophrenic, at the same time fool me twice shame on me..

You live and learn, at any rate you live..

February second week already, talk about time flying. I started thinking about quality of life. I have lived a good number of years already and have formed quite a few opinions, viewed life from different colored goggles, stood at crossroads at different points of time and many times just slept through, hoping to wake up when ice age would have begun or gotten over..

So that got me thinking, what would define a qualititative life. How and when would I know I have lived enough and fruitfully. What will define this enough, the final peak, that final frontier. Lately I have asked many people this question. How do Everest climbers know this is the peak? What I have seen of mountains is that, they are always in a range, how would anybody know this is the peak and not that other point farther away.

Similarly how would I know in my life I have achieved my peak spiritually, personally, professionally? Like mountains keep growing, life keeps moving the more we explore, the more there is to do. There is no limit physically, mentally or emotionally, you can always push yourself further, do masters, do phd, do post doc then do more research. How and when would I know I have seen enough, lived enough, lead a high quality life.

I really don’t know, I suppose I need some more living and exploring to answer this question. This much lifetime has still not gotten me there yet. Ending with quote from Douglas Adams after a long time” He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”